In the previous 2 articles we have explored how our Mind shapes our reality. We also looked at how our actions (training) can shape our mind and body.

Going a bit deeper into the psyche, I wanted to talk about the nature of Responsibility and how the patterns of our mind lead to goodwill (grace) or ill-will (shame).

Feeling overwhelmed?

I came from struggle. Not that I had any physical needs unmet. I definitely did not come from wealth, however I always head shelter and plenty of food. (At least until my uni days. :D )

However, mental struggle was my normality.

I felt overwhelmed on a daily basis. Life, or rather the people around me were too much to handle.

So I developed an avoidant relationship with responsibility.

Not to say that I was not a caring and kind child. I think those qualities have been with me and strengthened by my family and teachers over the years.

Yet, due to the overwhelm, I tried to avoid taking any additional responsibility. To the extent of having difficulty with making decisions even about what I want to eat. Indecision.

Now everyone's story is slightly different, however I see a lot of overwhelm and avoidance in my clinical practice.
We will come back to this shortly..

On Shame..

When someone feels overwhelmed, their reality becomes an unsafe environment for them. 
In such situations the brain is forced to 'think their way out' of this non-safety. It is looking for an escape route.

This seeking, or rather avoiding usually leads us down the path of shame and guilt. Being brought up in a very critical and unkind environment, naturally enhances our mental story of not being enough.

Those shameful internalised voices are further strengthened by the constant overwhelm, where we rationalize our inability of handling our 'unsafe' environment as shameful.

Often we also develop a deep desire to help those suffering around us. However as someone incapable of fulfilling their own needs, we often feel guilty for not being able to help others.

Thus we naturally start to associate our self-worth with how we feel in relation to other people.

This is crucial to understand. Our feelings have an effect on our worldview. Our nervous system is wired in a way to protect us, even if that results in us feeling shameful on a daily basis.

Children are very sensitive to suffering. And they do not have the logical understanding that it is not their responsibility to help adult figures. So the guilt deepens.

Naturally a child cannot control their environment. However as an adult, we definitely have the power to make (even if the tiniest) changes in our life.
Please keep reading on...

So how does shame and guilt affect us?

Think of yourself like your phone battery. When you go on about your day, feeling okay, your battery will slowly drain but it probably still be around a comfortable 30% when you retire to bed.

Now think of running apps on your phone. Editing videos, playing games, running an antivirus program whilst also watching a movie.

The more app you run on your phone concurrently, the quicker it will drain the battery.

Emotions and mental rumination do the same to us humans.

When we feel unsafe in our environment, the mind automatically keeps running an (antivirus) app to scan for danger around us.

Whenever a threat is found, our mind will start (Google) searching for all the possible reasons of how it might hurt us.

Then our brain has to come up with a copying mechanism. 
So the brain runs another app for distractions (Netflix or social media) or even a special app for dissociation (avoidance of sensations and emotions). 

All of these further and further drain our energy, and feed into our mental story of 'I cannot do anything about it'. A.k.a, Mental despair.

Naturally when one is overwhelmed and also exhausted, they will find ways to avoid further responsibility. Including looking after themselves.

Goodwill or ill-will?

I had a mini-breakthrough after listening to one of Ajahn Brahm's (Buddhist monk) talk on ill-will and compassion.

It is so obvious, yet easy to miss:
Entertaining shameful thoughts is an act of ill-will.

It is literally an activity which results in our own direct suffering, or the indirect hurt we cause to other people around us.

It is as simple as that. We must find omni-directional kindness within ourselves, in order to reduce the suffering (us and them).

Grace is defined as courteous good will.

Some Christian traditions define it as unmerited favour, kindness, and mercy. 

In Buddhism, a close equivalent may be compassion. The resolve to connect and accept one that may or may not be favourable to us.

In my opinion, regardless if you are a person of faith or not, Grace or compassion is the way for us to resolve those deeply engrained patterns of ill-will.

Thus, it is our primary responsibility to look after ourselves. As that is the only way we can truly care for others.

How can we get there?

Faith has been an options for thousands of years.
Today you also have a choice to seek helps from others to strengthen your muscles of compassion.
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I love having a variety of different tools in my 'life toolkit' and these are my favourite go to tools!  As I was writing them down it made me realise who the vast majority of them are for down-regulating my nervous system.  Sometimes my practices as higher energy, activating and releasing but more often than not they help me to balance the fast pace of juggling a busy London life 😆

Movement & Music - both of these, without fail, help me come back into my body and ground me.  Whether it's soothing music and yin yoga, something more uptempo and Vinyasa yoga or resistance training or an all out disco for one and shaking my tail feathers, EVERYTHING feels better afterwards!

Nature - plugging into Mother Earth always soothes my soul and settles my mind and nervous system 💚 I feel really grateful I live near a beautiful forest.   I love seeing the seasonal changes and how the little buds are starting to peek through now!  My go to 'happy place' is always the sea 💙. I can happily while away hours watching and listening to the sound of waves and contemplating the vastness of the oceans.
 
Pranayama & Breathwork - a topic I could talk about for days!  It's our most accessible 'tool' that has the quickest impact on our nervous system and it's totally free!!!  I regularly check in with how I'm breathing and where I'm breathing into.  I often catch myself when I'm in a stressful moment and take a moment to reset my breathing and take a long slow breath.   Here is a breathing meditation I shared a few years ago that always helps me.
https://youtu.be/Z00E7bFmua0?si=44XQPprHUwPUHJfm
 
Meditation - my main practice is Vipasanna but I also love Yoga Nidra and listen to a variety of wonderful teachers.  This particular Yoga Nidra is one I am currently recommending to my clients and friends as I find I always feel so present and calm afterwards. 
https://insig.ht/iyHo2EndERb
 
Journaling - The Morning Pages is a practice I come back to time and time again.  I was introduced  to this journaling practice via a yoga teacher mentoring program many years ago and found it to be a real game changer.   It helps clear the mental chatter and clutter and I notice improved mental clarity and feel much more spacious and clear.
 

From a February fug to a spring in her step, acupuncturist Philippa Summers reflects on what matters to her in her life and what resources she can draw on to live her optimum life

Feeling Like Spring
 
Light spills over the hills
Winter becomes a fable
Here are the flames of spring
The flickering March to April
 
                                        Lemn Sissay

I don’t mind the winter. Being out in all weathers often makes me feel more alive, but this year the cold, wet, dreary weather seemed to drag on. Not much in the way of cheer in the news either, to put it mildly.  It brought on an introspective February Fug. I know I wasn’t alone in feeling that way.
 
So where do we look for the support and resources when our inner world feels a bit wintry? What are the things that help to keep us grounded, inspired, uplifted and connected, and what helps to sustain us. We are all different and we will all need different things at different times. What are those things for you?
 
When I thought about this for myself I was drawn to noticing the things that make up the tapestry of my daily and weekly routines and how they create this fabric of support, connection and sustenance. It is easy to take these things for granted. Mine is filled with friends, family, meals together, cooking, gardening and the allotment, Brockwell Park in all its glory, nature, films and books. A particular focus of the last few months has been generally getting fitter and building strength so going to the gym and swimming are now also firmly on the list. I have gone from pushing myself to do them, to carving out time for them.
 
That routine is peppered with variation and excitement like bright beacons of light, a meal with friends, bookclub, Gin club(!), poker nights, a night out dancing and moments of spontaneity, exploration and curisosity. Together they create a balance of sociable and quiet times, some reflection but not too introspective.  It’s a gratitude list of sorts and a reminder to notice and acknowledge the things that nourish us, make time for them and to reach out and connect.  I deliberately chose not to focus on the bigger events like holidays.
 
Thinking back to that February Fug feeling. There were a couple of specific bits of advice and support that I found especially helpful. One was a reminder from my husband not to judge any feelings, not to label them as good or bad, not to fight them or try to make them go away, just notice and accept them and let them be there. Maybe to observe them with curiosity.
 
The other from a friend was an app recommendation, Insight Timer, which presents a varied selection of mindfulness, meditation, yoga Nidra, relaxation and breathwork resources . There are guided exercises and short sequence programs with some wonderful presenters. If you are looking for something you can use at home to build a meditation habit or help you to de-stress and relax then do check it out. Thanks for the recommendation, Angie!
 
And of course, the change in weather and season certainly helps. The sun is out, spring is springing up, the birds have that frisson of excitement in their chirrups, green shoots are appearing and the swans in Brockwell are on their nest.  The fug has lifted and life has a spring in its step. I hope you feel it, too.

With AI swooping in to take over many jobs and roles I feel lucky to be confident that there is nothing that compares – or could compare – to the interpersonal connection and physical contact of a massage. The relationship with your therapist is part of this, a person you share with and ask for help – this can be a vulnerable and fairly intimate action, especially when it is followed by undressing! You place your trust in the therapist and the therapist – good ones anyway – will respond by basing their massage on the information you gave them and the feedback you give them through the treatment, from direct questions about the pressure to intuitive sensing of where you are holding tension that you are not even aware of.

This relationship may be a one off or it may be one that lasts over many weeks, months and years. I have left massage sessions feeling enlivened, enthused, exhausted, delighted, excited, understood, supported, connected, soothed and sometimes pummelled 😊 Sometimes I am sore, sometimes I feel like I’m hungover the next day or two, sometimes I feel like I could run like a gazelle and sometimes like I could sleep for a week. I always get something from the session, often disproportionate to the hour that I spent having it. I learn about my body, I enjoy some rapport with some therapists and rare silence with others.
I will never stop getting massages from a good therapist and I am looking forward to getting back to the privileged position of giving them next year after a long hiatus having children and relocating.

In between massages I crave more and I also sometimes have to go longer periods between them when funds and/or time are tight so I have built up an array of things to see me through. I can do some self massage of course and often do on my forearms especially, but I often just wish it was someone else's hands and prefer to use tools, especially for getting into trickier to reach spots. These are my favourites (and links are just to show where I bought them, no affiliations!):

And now in getting the links from this blog I've spotted a foot massager so my birthday money might have a new purpose...that's one for next time!
Happy massaging!

With Karen joining us this month it felt like a good time to reflect on the range of therapies we now have on offer at WNT. It is our 10th anniversary this October – wowee 😊😊 – and over the decade we have had an alphabetic spectrum of treatments and classes from Acupuncture to Yoga with everything from Feldenkrais to Sports massage in between.

So what do we have on offer now?

Well, starting with massage where WNT began, we have a great range to choose from

Sports and remedial massage with Tessa – Advanced booking required to see popular Tessa with her highly adept intensive treatments. She works with all sorts of athletes and desk-bound bodies to help free up stubborn tensions and encourage freer, more efficient movement. Tessa really is a master of her trade working with a range of deep tissue and trigger point techniques and using acupuncture needles in some sessions.

Relaxing deep tissue massage with Erika – Erika has been in the massage business for over 20 years and her lovely strong hands work intuitively around the body, their experience meaning your body has easy confidence to relax and feel some relief. You can read Erika’s blogs and see how thoughtful, interesting and considered they are and her massage treatments are in the same vein, very nourishing.

Tuina massage with Mihaly / Mike – Mihaly (also known as Mike) is a more recent addition to our team and we are so glad he joined! Mihaly has a lovely, peaceful, warm presence and his Tuina massage is very careful and intuitive. Tuina takes placed fully clothed and works along the meridians like acupuncture (which Mihaly also practises). This is a great treatment with Mihaly since he is a natural therapist and can help you work with acute and broader issues alike, often helping with lifestyle support.

Philippa  also practises tuina massage and tends to incorporate it into an acupuncture treatment when she feels it would benefit rather than offer it as a stand-alone treatment.

And now we have another experienced pair of hands in Karen with Shiatsu. Similarly to tuina, Shiatsu works with meridians to open up stuck energy and uses stretching and pressure on points to help release and find relaxation and ease. Karen has been working in South London over the past 2 decades and her experience and skilful practice is a welcome addition to our team.

And then we have a wealth of Acupuncture on offer too, which you can read more about in our blog, Acupuncture at WNT - three different approaches, who should I see?

In brief, we have Philippa with a traditional TCM (Traditional Chinese Medicine) background and almost three decades of experience working in a broad range of professional settings, both privately and with the NHS. Philippa works a lot with women’s health, including menstrual issues, fertility through to post-natal recovery and menopause. Philippa’s treatments tend to be primarily pure acupuncture though she often incorporates some tui na massage into the treatment.

Mihaly is also TCM trained and his treatments tend to be more of a blend of acupuncture with tui na massage and incorporates his background in martial arts into his approach. Mihaly’s interest is in the mind-body connection and developing this this both informs and is an outcome of his practice.

Tessa uses acupuncture needles in a different way, her training is in Medical Acupuncture or Dry Needling which can be useful in treating musculoskeletal issues and helping to release stubborn tensions. Tessa uses these as an addendum to her sports massage treatments, incorporating them when she feels they’d be beneficial and the client is keen.

And then we have some other treatments which are currently all offered by lovely Laura on a Saturday:

Reflexology is Laura’s main practice, her warm and welcoming presence is popular with clients who report feeling the benefits of her kindness and empathy as well as her knowledgeable treatments. This foot treatment has an uncanny way of working on the whole body and can be profoundly relaxing and restorative as well as effective on specific aches, pains, digestive and menstrual challenges.

Reiki is another of Laura’s offerings and clients find this energetic work helpful in encouraging the body’s own healing capacity, a nourishing hands-off treatment that helps support the body emotionally and spiritually.

And last but by no means least, Laura’s other skill is in sound bath healing and she offers one on one sessions at WNT – amazing sensation having bowls placed on the body and ‘played’ so you feel the vibrations and benefit from the deeply resonating sounds. This is a pretty special thing to have on offer and worth checking out if you have never experienced it.

I thought to share a few stories from my clinic so you can have a better understanding of what Acupuncture can help with. As well as to provide a gentle introduction to how it works.
Relief for constipation and other bowel issues is a remarkable and frequent outcome of such treatments.

Over the years I am starting to figure out that the body is truly amazing. It really is a wonderful ‘machinery’ that often needs only a little nudge in order to recover. As long as one has sufficient vital substances – Blood, Qi and Essence (talk about those in a later post) – it will recover rather quickly.

When it comes to treating bowel issues such as constipation, diarrhoea, inflammation and such Acupuncture can have a quick reliving effect – whilst it may take longer to re-establish proper internal harmony in case of chronic conditions.
One of my clients came to me recently complaining about the inability to empty their bowels properly for almost a week. Although their main complaint was different, something like this can often be incorporated into the treatment.
I used a combination of 2 points located on the Stomach channel, whilst other points were used to support the underlying conditions.

The acu-point, Stomach 37 was needled and gently stimulated. This is a point which has a strong effect on the bowels through the connection of the digestive organs of the Stomach and the Large Intestine, which is mainly responsible for the appropriate elimination and further absorption of nutrients.
As you can read in the other article -click on the link above-, it is also a majorly useful point to generally assist IBS and it’s related symptoms.

I also used acupressure on Stomach 25 which has been observed to have a very strong effect on the Intestines. Via the aforementioned connection, this point is able to strengthen and enhance the natural function of the Stomach and Spleen, which is responsible for the transportaion and transformation of nutrients.

Although I worked fairly gently on these points, the client reported having a ‘big clear-out’ the same day.
Of course, no 2 people have the exact same needs. The beauty of Chinese Medicine lies in its ability to show what needs to be done for the person in front of us in that given moment.
Sometimes the body only needs a few gentle yet precise inputs in order to start making steps towards equilibrium.

Still running
 
In my previous blog I had just taken up running regularly as a vehicle for keeping mind and mental state in good health. So here is a little update a few months along deep into mid-winter.
 
I am still running - three times most weeks, for about 40 minutes and really enjoying it. The after-effect of brightness and energy in mind and body, even if the actual run sometimes felt like hard work, is really very nice.
 
It definitely has been harder to get up when it’s dark and out of the door in the mornings during the winter. North is in my blood so temperature is not a deterrent and frosty ground a more pleasant experience than the mudslides our parks often turned into this time of the year and I also quite enjoy getting out in bad weather, better running than walking in the rain. Then afterwards it’s so nice to get back in and indoors feels lovely dry and warm. It’s more the general tiredness of January and winter with its short days, a time when, if possible, it’s okay to linger a little longer in bed and take it a bit slower.
 
This coming week, February 1st, marks the halfway point between winter solstice and spring equinox. This day is also called Imbolc or st Bridgids day.  From now on the acceleration in daylight per day is becoming more noticeable week by week. Amusingly, this day has lately gain notoriety due to an increased interest in old Irish and Gaelic traditions, a side effect from the many Brits looking into Irish roots in pursuit of a passport in the wake of Brexit and is now celebrated in several places in London.
 
When it comes to avoiding slipping into depression, one of the purposes of the running regime, it is obviously impossible to know and compare how I would have felt if had not been running regularly. The dread and despair that I often experience around this time of the year, so familiar and recognisable I know it will pass, like a winter season of mind, but sometimes it sticks and turns into depression. This year it feels okay.
 
The structure of running is helpful and having regular dose of joy and satisfaction from keeping up with the commitment is good mood boost but the sense of strength and vitality is the biggest benefit I experienced so far.

I have taken up running again, this time conducted as a little experiment to see how - or if - it affects my state of mind. Bluntly put, I’d like to see if it works to combat depression.
 
My state of mind has been a bit low and dull, feeling uninspired and finding it hard to make decisions as well as difficulty concentrating. Perhaps that’s normal sign of ageing or symptomatic of my lifestyle with increased screen time and social media indulgence.
 
According to psychiatrist Anders Hanson, running 30-45 minutes 3 times a week at 70% effort for at least 6 weeks would create changes in the brain that help with depression. My understanding is that there is a substance produced in the hippocampus and cerebral cortex in the brain called BDNF (Brain Derived Neurotrophic Factor) that protects, repairs and stimulates new brain cells. Having low levels of this substance is associated with depression. Medication increases these levels as does exercise.
 
I have taken antidepressants in the past and found them helpful to some extent but not really making much difference long term and at this point it doesn’t feel necessary to seek them out.
So, after finding a book on my bookshelf in the great unread section by Dr Anders Hansen writing about the benefits exercise in general, and running in particular, has on the brain as well as hearing him speak on Rangan Chatterjee’s podcast, Feel Better Live More, episode 38, I decided to give it a go. A simple explanation for these  benefits is that our biology is still more in line with being a hunter gatherer and not suited for the abundant, convenient world we now live in. Shorter sessions of 20-30 minutes would also make improvements in the functions of the brain such as memory and creativity.
 
The plan is to work up to the 45min sessions and keep it up for 6 weeks and see how I feel and then keep going with three times a week 30-45min sessions. It sounds a realistic and doable plan to have and curious to see how this will take me through the winter. No doubt shorter days and harsher weather will be a bit of challenge.
 
Luckily, I have always liked running when I’m fit enough and I enjoy the striding movement. It’s a nice way to explore an area be it park, wood or neighbourhood. It is also a very accessible and simple way to exercise. No need for fancy memberships, class schedules or expensive equipment. Just put shoes on and go. I like the freedom of that.
 
I am now 4 weeks in and it is a joy. Perhaps it’s the lovely, mild autumnal weather that brings a pep to my step. Starting out being in general good health and having a comfortable walking gait has been helpful (don’t run before you can walk as the saying goes) in having making it very pain free so far. Not focusing on speed or distance makes it very carefree.
 
The first two weeks I went for 20-30 min sessions and this last week increased it to 45 min a couple of times.

As to how my mind is: Feeling a lot more inspired than I did a couple of weeks ago, but if that is down to the actual running or to setting and following a plan it’s hard to say. Having an intention with what you do, whatever it is, is also one of these things in life that can shift the mood.

As the nights begin to draw in and we withdraw inside a little more it can be more challenging to plan your days with a baby or toddler, and to look after your own well-being and fitness. Well, the good news is there are a wealth of opportunities out there, activities you can do with your baby or children and classes for yourself with your baby or at those precious moments you have to yourself.  Just getting out and meeting up with other mums and dads can make a whole world of difference as you adjust to parenthood. Maybe you are looking for something specific or just want to browse and see what’s out there.
 
I came across a website, Happity, that makes searching for classes and events in your area a doddle. It covers everything from pregnancy through the baby and toddler years to age 5. Prices vary, some are free and some low cost from as little as £2.
 
Among them are:

• Pregnancy: yoga, pilates and hypnobirthing and doulas. At West Norwood Therapies we offer pregnancy treatments which I have outlined below.

 

• Postnatal parent focussed (most are with your baby): mum’s and dad’s fitness, yoga, pilates, ballroom dancing, social gatherings, quizzes, comedy and even Baby Drag Bingo! Plus breastfeeding support and first aid courses. A special mention for the Gatherings at Knowles below.

 

• Baby and toddler: music, swimming, storytime, massage, signing and play groups.

 

• Older preschool: music, swimming, athletics, football, tennis and other ball games, languages, theatre, dance and play groups.

 
I know from my own experience and that of probably every parent I know just how important these groups are through this phase of life.  If you are struggling with post-natal depression Happity also have a dedicated area of their website which includes links to useful resources.  Check out their blog, too.
 
I’d like to make a special mention for Gather-ed as they offer something a little different and I think much needed. They offer 1:1 support, workshops and group gatherings with experienced facilitators including midwives - ‘gently facilitated discussions on themes and topics relevant to parenthood…and are a space for honest, authentic conversations’. Wednesday mornings at Knowles in West Norwood, other classes in East Dulwich.
 
Pregnancy Treatments at West Norwood Therapies
Finally, we can help to support you throughout your pregnancy with our treatments at West Norwood Therapies:

• massage (with Erika)
• reflexology (with Laura)
• acupuncture (with Philippa and Mike)

 
Acupuncture: Some women choose to have regular acupuncture to support them throughout their pregnancy, but commonly it will be to help with a particular issue. In the early stages of pregnancy women often seek help for morning sickness and at the latter stages for breech presentation and birth preparation.  For birth preparation there are advantages to starting treatment at 36 weeks but with the all-clear from your midwives we can also offer treatments when you are overdue and facing an induction.
 
If you are trying to conceive Laura and Philippa also offer fertility focussed treatments, too.
 
Please just get in touch if you’d like to find out more.