We have a couple of jackdaws that come to nest in the wall of our workshop every year. The first couple of years we lived here they drove me crazy, I was only aware of them when I came out of the workshop door and they suddenly flapped away. I’m a bit squeamish with flappy birds (ironic for a Duck I realise) and the fact that I forgot every time and then it gave me a sudden fright meant that I often ended up swearing and cursing them.

Then I learned something that changed my approach entirely. I learned that jackdaws mate for life and that they return to the same spot each year to have their babies. I learned that they are so clever (in my arrogant human terms) that they recognise specific people and choose to trust them. In this I learned that they trusted me, despite my cursing, and that they felt ours was a safe haven for their precious young.

I also learned – or rather realised – that this was a seasonal thing, that their arrival marked the beginning of spring and that their arrival would be quiet at first but as the weeks went on we would begin to hear little chirps of their babies and those chirps would get louder as the babies got bigger.

I still get the occasional fright if my mind is elsewhere when I go out that door on a May morning, but this is totally diminished now by the delight in hearing those little chirps, a delight my 2 year old daughter shares. We are now very fond of Maw and Paw Jackdaw as we call them and I hope we’ll keep seeing them for some years yet.

This annual ‘event is part of a host of things that are now now becoming rituals in our life on a rural smallholding. Before we moved up here we had imagined all the things we would be doing – planting, growing, keeping chickens and goats, making our own preserves etc etc. And then life intervenes with all the things it brings to interrupt our fantasies and we do not have goats or chickens, my veg patch is currently ¼ it’s intended size, the greenhouse is out of action and the polytunnel is full of aphids causing blackened cucumber plants, so sometimes I don’t think we are ‘smallholders’ in a true sense at all.

However, with my kinder eyes I see the little rituals that we have developed that my kids enjoy getting involved with and how, gradually, without our forcing them, they have become annual events that mark the passing of seasons, the children growing older and are little touchstones for us. And also fun things that keep us well oiled, fed and juiced for the rest of the year 😊
Some of these are:

• Picking elderflower in May and making cordial for drinking or making ice lollies
• Picking roses from our wonderfully aromatic rose bush in June and infusing oil that lasts the rest of the year for my skin
• June brings strawberry harvest and the beginning of pea season that has us all popping pods obsessively for a good couple of months, or more depending how well I did at planting stage!
  
• Picking Calendula that I started growing in 2018 and it now self-seeds rampantly with a beautiful array of yellows and oranges scattered through the veg patch, then using this to make calendula oil (equally vibrant in colour) for baths and skin and a fantastic calendula salve for cuts and scrapes that we also call ‘bum balm’ as it is a great nappy rash protector / healer
• July also brings the ripening of raspberries that are littered through our garden and as we get to the end of the month the gooseberries kick in – we have some enormous bushes so we eat these daily, and use them for jam as well as blackcurrants and redcurrants
  
• If we’ve left enough elderflower heads there’s elderflower syrup to be made in late summer as the brambles get going and we come home from walks purple with faces and fingers
• Apples are next and these go to eating straight up and then we’re into crumble season and some apple jam
• My husband, Wayne, is the jam maker and he also makes wines with brambles, apples, rhubarbs and gooseberries
  
• I’m the veg grower and preserver, so if I’ve gotten on well with squash we get some of this baked so we have pumpkin pie filling ready for Christmas and I get stuck into preserves in Autumn – usually some tomato chutney with whatever is left and then fermented chilli sauce and pickled beetroot are favourites

Add to this the ‘opening up’ of early spring when we start planting seeds and preparing beds and the ‘closing down’ of late Autumn when we clear older crops and mulch the beds for next year and we do really get a sense of living with the seasons and the passing of the years.

From discussions with the WNT team and exploring the idea of rituals as more enriching than habits,  my yearning now is that these annual events or duties can be firmly approached as rituals so that we are doing them with intention and attention and reaping even more reward than soothed skin and tasty preserves 😊

I turned 60 recently and was very excited to receive my wonderful London Oyster card and find out that I now qualify for free prescriptions but wanted to find out what other positives there are about reaching this milestone and while searching the internet was informed that it is a time of ‘celebration of resilience, wisdom and possibility’.                                                                              
 
As far as resilience and wisdom go this may be true, as by this age, we have had decades of experience dealing with sometimes challenging situations that we have hopefully managed to overcome.
 
Possibility however, will really depend on our financial security and physical ability. If we are fortunate to have a mortgage-free home, a good pension and with that, some spare cash, we can happily embrace a work-free future and spend more of our leisure time on hobbies, holidays and fitness. Ah yes. Fitness. This is the most important thing of all, as without it, possibilities may be limited.
 
From the age of 30 our bodies start to change. We start to lose lean tissue, muscles start to atrophy (3-5% per decade) and we see an increase in fat. Bones may start to weaken, skin starts to thin, joints start to stiffen and we start to lose height as the discs in our spine begin to dry out.
 
So what can we do about it?

I see a lot of clients who are over 60 and I am pleased to say that the majority of them have realised that they need to take their physical health more seriously.
 
According to current figures the average life expectancy is 81 for women and 79 for men (longer in more affluent areas) so when we turn 60, we can expect to live for another 20-30 years. Therefore we need to be able to move, have balance and be strong. Now is the time (if we haven’t already) to implement changes to save our bodies.
 
Fitness doesn’t have to be an expensive business.

• Walking. Walking is free, good for you and if you join a hiking or rambling club, also sociable.

https://www.ramblers.org.uk/go-walking/ramblers-groups/south-bank-group

• Running. No equipment needed apart from a pair of running trainers, love of the outdoors and some will power!

If you would like to start running and would like a very friendly beginners course, the Dulwich Park Runners run two courses a year in March and September. Members receive a 10% discount on Sports Massage at West Norwood Therapies.
https://www.dulwichparkrunners.co.uk/

• For something a little more challenging, why not look at Windrush Triathlon Club

Where you can run, cycle and swim with a friendly, encouraging bunch. They run weekly training sessions and also get a 10% discount at West Norwood Therapies.
https://windrushtri.co.uk/

• Cycling. A fantastic and inexpensive way to keep fit as you can always pick up a fairly decent second hand bike or borrow one from a friend if it’s for an occasional ride. Take a look at this website if you don’t know where to start.

https://tfl.gov.uk/modes/cycling/cycle-skills

• Gym. Join the local council gym who have vastly reduced swimming sessions, exercise classes, and gym access. Active Lambeth offers a 15% discount to over 60’s (£43.85 per month) while Better offer a discount from age 66. If you are unstable on your feet, Active Lambeth offers a couple of chair-based exercise classes and aqua aerobics.

 
If you can afford it, I would really recommend finding a Personal Trainer and seeing them twice a week. If only once, ask them to design a simple exercise programme that you can either do at home or in the gym (with a few bands or hand weights) a couple of times per week.
 
If you think you can’t, look for concessionary seniors classes connected to local libraries, hospitals and community centres.

• Swimming. Have a few swimming lessons if you need them and then take yourself to the local pool or to one of London’s fabulous lidos.

 

• Pilates. If you book a block it can be cheaper and you will be going regularly so it is worth the investment. I would suggest that if you are new to Pilates, you choose a mat class rather than a reformer class. The reason being, if you have a weak core, you will learn the foundations of how to engage and strengthen it in a mat class. Whereas, the reformer equipment moves on springs and if you have little core strength to start with, this can be challenging and occasionally dangerous (you could fall off).

It is a good idea to find out the qualifications of a practitioner. At least a Level 4 in mat and reformer.

• Yoga.  Again check the qualification of the instructor. Do some taster classes to find out what kind of yoga is for you as there are many types. Yin (more stretching) to Vinyasa Flow (faster moving) and others in between.

 
N:B if you have been diagnosed with, or suspect you may have, hypermobility please inform your teacher as it is very easy to over-stretch tendons and end up with injuries.
 
Class Pass gives access to many different classes from gym to yoga and a two week trial costs £1. https://classpass.com/walkthrough/getclasspass

• Walking Football and Walking Netball

Great for those who are new to the sports or have previously played but are returning from injury or want something less stressful on the joints.
There are a few teams in South London
https://thewfa.co.uk/directory/pride-of-lions/
https://www.englandnetball.co.uk/play/walking-netball/

• Tennis, Padel and Pickle Ball

All of these court based sports are a lot of fun but can be expensive (padel for sure). And, if you are a beginner, it is very easy to get over enthusiastic and play too often.
Although they are wonderful fun and great for aerobic fitness, they can cause knee, hip and shoulder issues as there is a lot of ‘stop/start’ movement which puts stress on the joints.
https://www.lta.org.uk/support-centre/competing/competing-in-padel/what-is-the-gb-seniors-padel-tour-and-how-can-i-enter/
 
By keeping strong we will have increased mobility and energy to really benefit from the free oyster card travel to galleries, museums, parks across London, visiting friends and family and trying different exercise classes. AND greatly reduced the need for those free prescriptions.
 
Tessa Glover
Clinical Sport and Remedial Massage Therapy
ISRM/BTEC (Level 5) Professional Diploma
07966 473738

From a February fug to a spring in her step, acupuncturist Philippa Summers reflects on what matters to her in her life and what resources she can draw on to live her optimum life

Feeling Like Spring
 
Light spills over the hills
Winter becomes a fable
Here are the flames of spring
The flickering March to April
 
                                        Lemn Sissay

I don’t mind the winter. Being out in all weathers often makes me feel more alive, but this year the cold, wet, dreary weather seemed to drag on. Not much in the way of cheer in the news either, to put it mildly.  It brought on an introspective February Fug. I know I wasn’t alone in feeling that way.
 
So where do we look for the support and resources when our inner world feels a bit wintry? What are the things that help to keep us grounded, inspired, uplifted and connected, and what helps to sustain us. We are all different and we will all need different things at different times. What are those things for you?
 
When I thought about this for myself I was drawn to noticing the things that make up the tapestry of my daily and weekly routines and how they create this fabric of support, connection and sustenance. It is easy to take these things for granted. Mine is filled with friends, family, meals together, cooking, gardening and the allotment, Brockwell Park in all its glory, nature, films and books. A particular focus of the last few months has been generally getting fitter and building strength so going to the gym and swimming are now also firmly on the list. I have gone from pushing myself to do them, to carving out time for them.
 
That routine is peppered with variation and excitement like bright beacons of light, a meal with friends, bookclub, Gin club(!), poker nights, a night out dancing and moments of spontaneity, exploration and curisosity. Together they create a balance of sociable and quiet times, some reflection but not too introspective.  It’s a gratitude list of sorts and a reminder to notice and acknowledge the things that nourish us, make time for them and to reach out and connect.  I deliberately chose not to focus on the bigger events like holidays.
 
Thinking back to that February Fug feeling. There were a couple of specific bits of advice and support that I found especially helpful. One was a reminder from my husband not to judge any feelings, not to label them as good or bad, not to fight them or try to make them go away, just notice and accept them and let them be there. Maybe to observe them with curiosity.
 
The other from a friend was an app recommendation, Insight Timer, which presents a varied selection of mindfulness, meditation, yoga Nidra, relaxation and breathwork resources . There are guided exercises and short sequence programs with some wonderful presenters. If you are looking for something you can use at home to build a meditation habit or help you to de-stress and relax then do check it out. Thanks for the recommendation, Angie!
 
And of course, the change in weather and season certainly helps. The sun is out, spring is springing up, the birds have that frisson of excitement in their chirrups, green shoots are appearing and the swans in Brockwell are on their nest.  The fug has lifted and life has a spring in its step. I hope you feel it, too.

The older you get the quicker a new year seems to roll around, 2025 and suddenly a quarter into the 21st century. How did that happen?
 
I recently listened to the Radio 4 program ‘25 Years of the 21st Century’ discussing pivotal events that shaped the world we live in today. Life is remembered backwards but lived forward as Kirkegaard said. I find it useful to orientate myself in time this way and get some perspective as years often blur together. Good to be reminded and reflect on events and their impact.
The new year can be a good time to do some of that and let that be the starting point for plans, hopes and dreams for the year ahead. Perhaps a time to initiate and implement new routines that shape into habits down the line.
 
Admittedly this is not my strongest point. Last year at around this time a friend sent me a lovely compendium/work book to help. It guides you though various questions prompting memory of what was good, challenging, accomplishment, discoveries, who influenced you and who did you influence/impact. Before you move to the year ahead you forgive yourself for shortcomings and let go of last year. Then you move on to the year ahead. A very good resource and while I didn’t engage with it as much as it called for it was nonetheless useful. Writing this might just spark a revisit.
 
Apparently at this point in January many resolutions for the year or month are given up on, that might make all this sound like nonsense and waste of time.
 
But we could instead view it as an opportunity for deeper insight and understanding of ourselves. Giving it thought and examining what happened and how we felt when we gave up could lead us to make better choices next time. It might just have been unrealistic and needed adjusting or it could show what we do when met with resistance or difficulty. It could also be the complete opposite and a form of self-sabotage if things were going well. Chances are there is a pattern and if we take a softer approach, be amused rather than accused, it can allow for change.
 
I finish this with a lovely example of a New Year’s resolution. Recently at dinner one of my friends declared he has had the same one for a good few years. He claims he keeps it and is keeping it. The resolution is to remember peoples’ birthdays. He does this by sending or giving a everyone a humorous birthday card. At the beginning of the year he transcribes from last year’s diary all birthdays into the new year’s diary by hand. Cards are bought in batches whenever he finds amusing ones as well as keeping a supply of stamps. Every week he looks ahead at what’s coming up. Initially I thought that is sweet and simple but on reflection it is quite profound. A lovely expression bringing love and joy to people in your life and keeping in touch. The act of transcribing is a reminder of who and what last year contained and provides a moment for reflecting on that, simultaneously putting nice events and people into the plans for the year ahead.

NB: Erika's existing clients can enjoy £10 off a treatment in February with her - please mention this offer when booking either online or directly with Erika

Still running
 
In my previous blog I had just taken up running regularly as a vehicle for keeping mind and mental state in good health. So here is a little update a few months along deep into mid-winter.
 
I am still running - three times most weeks, for about 40 minutes and really enjoying it. The after-effect of brightness and energy in mind and body, even if the actual run sometimes felt like hard work, is really very nice.
 
It definitely has been harder to get up when it’s dark and out of the door in the mornings during the winter. North is in my blood so temperature is not a deterrent and frosty ground a more pleasant experience than the mudslides our parks often turned into this time of the year and I also quite enjoy getting out in bad weather, better running than walking in the rain. Then afterwards it’s so nice to get back in and indoors feels lovely dry and warm. It’s more the general tiredness of January and winter with its short days, a time when, if possible, it’s okay to linger a little longer in bed and take it a bit slower.
 
This coming week, February 1st, marks the halfway point between winter solstice and spring equinox. This day is also called Imbolc or st Bridgids day.  From now on the acceleration in daylight per day is becoming more noticeable week by week. Amusingly, this day has lately gain notoriety due to an increased interest in old Irish and Gaelic traditions, a side effect from the many Brits looking into Irish roots in pursuit of a passport in the wake of Brexit and is now celebrated in several places in London.
 
When it comes to avoiding slipping into depression, one of the purposes of the running regime, it is obviously impossible to know and compare how I would have felt if had not been running regularly. The dread and despair that I often experience around this time of the year, so familiar and recognisable I know it will pass, like a winter season of mind, but sometimes it sticks and turns into depression. This year it feels okay.
 
The structure of running is helpful and having regular dose of joy and satisfaction from keeping up with the commitment is good mood boost but the sense of strength and vitality is the biggest benefit I experienced so far.

My husband and I play a game in our house: I come into a room and turn the lights on, he comes in and turns them off. He is driven by environmental concerns, an aversion to waste and the cost of electricity. My drive is simpler and more visceral: happiness. 
 
Light makes me happy. Different lights make me feel different types of happiness - a misty morning with the sun breaking through fills me with optimism and ideas for the day or an urge to take photographs of the beauty it shows up. Late afternoon light is more peaceful than the morning and speaks of socialising more than doing - beer gardens, barbeques or tea and cake depending on my age and stage. Soft lighting makes me feels safe, cosy, reflective, nourished. A bright kitchen light makes me want to put music on and engage with my family, while a darker room makes me feel like retreating and dampens my energy. 
 
I love the role that lighting plays in a therapeutic setting. My friend used to talk of 'entering the womb' when she came for a massage and I believe that plays no small part in the nourishing effect of a session at WNT or another thoughtfully lit treatment space. You are invited to slow down, to stop and retreat for a while.
 
This entering into such a space reminds me of Autumn, a time of transition from long, bright, energetic days to short, dimmer, more slothful days – getting ready to enter the womblike winter where so much of the world around us is curling up to sleep.
 
How does this transition sit with you? Are you like me and derive some of your inner spark from the light around you? Or are you more ambivalent about the role light has on your inner world? How do you adapt around this time of year?
 
For me this time of year needs a conscious shift, a letting go and starting to prepare for hunkering down. In our home it means adjusting the lights we use in each room to make it cosy rather than bright, getting some candles out and replacing the bulbs in my salt lamps. We will also start to light the fire soon, which in our house is our primary heating source, and that brings with it extra cosiness and a particular type of restorative, wholesome, vital light and warmth.
 
And pretty soon my husband and I will start a new game with the boost button on the central heating…
 

It’s summer (hurrah!) and this season’s theme at West Norwood Therapies is water.  I have been exploring water and the human body and why hydration is so critical.
 
Water is essential for life and for our bodies to function optimally.  On average water makes up around 60% of body weight in men and 50-55% in women (this can vary depending on age and body composition).
 
Drinking enough water each day is essential for the function of all the cells in the body, it helps us to: regulate body temperature, keep eyes and joints lubricated, helping to rid waste and transport nutrients, helps convert food into energy, protects the nervous system, prevents infection, and keeps organs functioning properly.
 
Some organs contain much more water than others and I found it staggering to learn that the brain and kidneys possess the highest percentage of water: a whopping 80-85%, followed by the heart and lungs 75-80%, muscles, the liver and skin are 70-75%, blood is 50%, bones are 20-25% and lastly teeth at 8-10%.   This helps to put into context how dehydration can have so many symptoms and consequences.
 
The current UK recommendation is to drink 6-8 glasses of fluid per day, more specific recommendations about the quantity needed at different ages are shown below:
(provided by the European Food Safety Authority (EFSA):

The EFSA assume that 20% of fluid intake comes from food and 80% comes from drinks.
It is also important to note that doing strenuous activity or living in hotter or more humid climates may need more than the above.
 
The body works hard to find balance and drinking too little or too much water can have severe consequences.  The warning signs of dehydration include:

• Feeling thirsty or lightheaded
• A dry mouth
• Headache, delirium
• Tiredness (fatigue)
• Having dark coloured, strong-smelling urine
• Passing urine less often than usual (less than 3 or 4 times a day)
• High heart rate and low blood pressure
• Muscle cramps
• Constipation

 
As mentioned above the brain contains 85% water, dehydration can also impact on cognitive function with difficulty in concentrating, impacting mood making us prone to feeling angry, anxious, and irritated.
 
It’s important to note that on the flip side at the extreme end of consuming too much water, can lead to hyponatraemia, a very serious condition that causes extremely low sodium levels in the blood.
 
It is more common for people to suffer with the symptoms of dehydration.
 
The best way to avoid dehydration is to keep track of how much fluid you drink and drink water throughout the day.  It’s ideal to avoid excessive caffeine drinks as they have a diuretic effect on the body, as does alcohol.  Of course, I am not staying to cut them out but to just be mindful of intake and ensure you’re having an adequate water intake too.
 
If you have been unwell with a fever or diarrhoea, playing sports or have been sweating a lot in high temperatures: drinking coconut water or a sports drink or rehydration drink can help to replenish your electrolytes and essential salts and minerals.
 
Swap sugary drinks for sugar-free or no added sugar and dilute squash drinks to reduce the sugar content.
 
If you don’t like the taste of water you can try sparkling water or try adding a slice of lemon or lime, some berries or cucumber.

I live in Scotland right by the river. It has always been a fantasy of mine to live right by a river – a swimmable river – and sometimes I have to pinch myself to know that this is in fact my life.

Normally I am itching to get in for my first swim of the year and this has been as early as April in our 5 years here. I have fantasies of going for a dip every day of the year at some point, but with young children and various life demands I am not aiming to achieve this anytime soon. But over the summer months I love to go in for mini-dips, mega-dips, paddles and full submersive swims.

But this year I haven’t wanted to! With this theme of swimming for our summer news I volunteered to write about my first swim of the year and promptly regretted it when I realised that it would involve, well, going for a swim.

I have a 9-month-old baby now as well as a 7yr old home-educated child and time has become so hazy and precisely precious all at once. We still live like in lockdown, we are both self-employed working from home and being alone is a hard thing to find at present. Having a shower now constitutes self-care time and I find myself having to choose between things that I used to value as daily activities. I can do some yoga OR tend to my veg patch. I can wash my hair OR go for a run. Swimming in the river involves a change of clothes, a short walk and a shower – that’s like 4 days personal activities all in one.. 😉

I kept thinking of the benefits I get from swimming outdoors – the freshness, the absolute presence in nature, the warm glow afterwards, the sense of achievement – and wondering when I would find these more urgent than a bit of time on my yoga mat or rescuing the beetroot from the weeds.

It didn’t come – but my family did! I come from a family who grew up swimming in rivers and the sea. My mum used to say, “I’m always happy by water” and perhaps as a family of Ducks it is no surprise that we are all energised and nourished by water and being in it.

This was a different experience than the solo experience which boosts my emotional, mental and physical health by the combination of headspace, nature, exercise and freedom. This was fun, community, connection, joy, sharing AND nature, exercise and freedom!

As I read the interviews Tessa has done with her swimming clients and Philippa’s input on swimming around perimenopause, I can see the place for doing these things in community, for the joy that can only come from sharing and doing things together. The poet Ross Gay writes about his experience focusing on delight and joy “Which is to say, I felt my life to be more full of delight. Not without sorrow or fear or pain or loss. But more full of delight. I also learned this year that my delight grows—much like love and joy—when I share it.”

Then I read Erika’s words on our senses and understand that I still want to go for my solo swims, to nurture my interior landscape as well. Maybe the weeds can defeat the beetroot this year and I can get in an extra few dips…

Is diet just about what you eat?
Sluggishness (especially) in the mornings;
Heaviness of body and mind;
Bloating;
Loose, sticky stools;
Swelling;
Weight gain.
These are only a few symptoms of Dampness in the body.

Damp.. what?

Imagine a clear beautiful river  gracefully flowing through a forest. Now what if this river is being filled with debrish? It slowly becomes cloggy and turn into dirty mud.

The most common cause for this muddiness to develop in the body is improper DIET.

Excessive intake of fried, greasy, raw food; as well as alcohol, sugar, dairy, and even meat may result in the symptoms described above.

However before removing unhealthy, overly processed foods from the diet, it’s important to intorduce new, appropriate foods in your diet.

On the picture you may see a simple stir-fry dish, perfect for lunch or even breakfast -accompanied by some soup or tea.

Bitter and slightly pungent/aromatic food  like kohlrabi and romain lettuce are excellent at transforming congealed body fluids.

Add some radish and leeks in order to strengthen the Lungs (Metal/Autumn) and clear any damp/phlegm that may reside there.

Kidney -especially Aduki- beans are great source of protein in this case. Complementing the dish I also used garlic, thyme and parsley to help clear excessive mucus.

To make this dish more seasonal, add some water and cook it on low heat. In order to introduce the sour balancing flavour of autumn (Metal) you may finish your dishes by  squeezing some lemon/lime juice over them.

Making small changes in the diet is an excellent tool for becoming more healthy over time. However if an already developed illness (or any of the symptoms above) are present, acupuncture treatment may be especially beneficial in order to address those issues.

Please note that we always advise patients to see a professional Acupuncturist in order to determine the accurate diagnoses, which allows us to make personalised recommendations.

For any seriously health concerns please see your GP.
#diet #damp #acupuncture #bloated #sluggish #autumn

My son turns six in June – something generally agreed to be an exciting event, greeted with enthusiasm and joy (and, as parents, with utter awe that this person exists with a tinge of sadness that the stages he’s gone through are in the past now). It is a time for celebration; we tell people our birthdays and we enjoy marking them with cake and parties. Granted they might become a little less joyful if we are feeling resistance to aging, but they tend still to be a time we are cherished and celebrated.

In July it will be 5 years since my dad died and in February it was 4 years since my mum died. These dates loom very differently on my internal visual map of the 2022. While the anniversary of my son’s birth is a gentle peak, something with a very outward, yang energy, the anniversaries of my parents’ deaths are big craters with much more of an inward, yin energy.
I describe these as ‘craters’ which sounds very negative, but I don’t feel like that. The crater-ish-ness is symbolic of the desire to retreat and go down into the grief, it is also a reminder of what the period around the deaths felt like. These were dark holes of time that have left their mark forever. But they are not something I ever want to avoid.  They are there and my awareness of them is part of the landscape of my life now.

These anniversaries change year to year. The first couple of years they hit extremely hard and involved a lot of reliving. I relived the week following my dad’s sudden death when we were absorbing the shock, whereas my mums rapid decline the week preceding her death was something I went through almost hour by hour the first two anniversaries. Now they are more mellow and I can’t always predict how it will pass. I do know, though, that it is vital to give them space, to allow for time and feeling the days leading up to it and sometimes beyond.

I find it extraordinary how we interact with death in our society – or how we try and avoid interacting with death. There seems to be a sense that if we draw attention to anniversaries, it is reminding people of loss, of the pain of grief. But this loss and pain is always there, it doesn’t go away because we don’t talk about it or acknowledge it. For some people an anniversary might just feel like something that they need to get past, but for me it feels as vital as Christmas. It shapes the year, it helps me remember in a mind, body and spirit way that life is precious and fragile and cannot be taken for granted.

This week is ‘dying matters’ week which draws important attention to the circumstances and environment of how we die and encourages conversations around death. It is easy to avoid putting attention towards our own death or that of anyone we love, be that practical or emotional attention.

At the moment what matters to me about dying is that we remember it. That we remember it in our very act of living, that THIS is life, this is our existence, and it doesn’t go on forever. That we remember it in our relationships, that these people we rely on and share with and love so much will one day die. That thought that can be so crippling can also give us fire for living, an opportunity to savour who and what we have while we have it.

And mostly, still in my relatively early years of grief experience, it matters that we remember the deaths of those that we have lost. That we remember their impact on our lives, how they shaped us and affected us. That we remember who they were in their lives, what they did with their time on earth and who they touched while they were around. And, finally, that we remember what we went through in losing them, how that moment rerouted our life path and changed us forever. If we can let ourselves remember this and really feel it then, perhaps, we can let ourselves really grieve, let go and really live.