Coaching: From Shame to Freedom – A Holistic Journey to Healing

Shame and guilt are emotions that can quietly run our lives, but there is a way to move from shame to freedom. As a holistic therapist (Acupuncture, Massage, Tai Chi, Qigong, Coaching), I integrate ancient healing techniques with modern coaching to help you release those heavy burdens. This article will explore how holistic coaching can assist you in overcoming shame, so the pain can transform into empowerment, offering you a gentle, compassionate path to emotional freedom.

How Does Shame Affect Your Life and Well-Being?

Shame is a deeply ingrained emotion, often showing up as feelings of unworthiness or inadequacy. Whether triggered by past mistakes, societal pressures, or internalized judgment, shame can weigh us down, keeping us trapped in harmful patterns of thought and behavior.

When I began my own journey of self-compassion, I realized how much shame had been quietly shaping my life. I thought I had cleared most of the debris, but during the past year, I had to acknowledge that some of my core beliefs still carried the heavy burden of shame. Once I started addressing how I related to myself and my environment, I began to experience lightness and freedom in my own life.

How Can Online Coaching Help You Overcome and Release Shame?

One of the most effective ways to work through shame is by acknowledging and accepting it for what it is. This may sound counterintuitive, but getting closer to the discomfort is key. In coaching, we create a safe and accepting environment. Gently embracing our vulnerabilities helps us to let those shameful parts come to light. You don’t have to carry that weight forever.

Just as in Tai Chi or Qigong, where you embrace discomfort to release it, coaching helps you engage with these emotions in a safe way. Together, we identify where the stuck energy lies—those “anchors” that have held you down for years.

What Is Radical Self-Compassion, and How Can It Help Overcome Shame?

Radical compassion is an essential tool in the healing process. It involves offering complete self-acceptance (Maitri, in the Buddhist traditions) and kindness to yourself, especially to the parts of you that you may not like or feel most vulnerable. It’s about meeting your shame with curiosity, not judgment.
I used to struggle with perfectionism, which was deeply rooted in shame. I thought that if I didn’t perform perfectly, I wasn’t worthy. Through practising radical self-compassion, I began to accept those parts of me that felt ashamed. I even gave my inner critical judge a name—the ‘shamer’—to soften the relationship with it. Think of the “Shame Bell” scene from Game of Thrones. By embracing my imperfections, I was able to release unrealistic expectations and feel a deeper sense of freedom.

How Can Chinese Medicine Support Emotional Healing and Release Shame?

Chinese Medicine, with its ancient wisdom, offers an almost magical (yet widely researched) approach to addressing emotions like shame and guilt. In Chinese philosophy, emotions are connected to different organs in the body. For example, shame is often linked to an imbalance in the Liver, Heart, and Kidney energy.

By addressing specific organs and meridians, Chinese Medicine works to restore balance in the whole person—body, mind, and spirit—releasing stuck emotions that may have shaped your personality over time.

Would you like to read more about how Acupuncture and Acupressure can help with shame? [Click here to learn more about emotional healing through Chinese Medicine.]

How Can Qigong and Tai Chi Help Build Self-Confidence and Heal Shame?

Both Qigong and Tai Chi are gentle, yet appropriately challenging, forms of movement that focus on unity. These practices integrate the body and mind, leading to an increasing quality of stillness and harmony. Over time, this helps form a deeper sense of self-confidence and creates a more compassionate relationship with oneself.

Certain Qigong exercises are also immensely helpful in balancing internal organs, directly addressing emotional imbalances. I often suggest these practices in my coaching sessions to enhance the release of shame by engaging the body and breath. It’s not about becoming an expert—it’s about creating a safe space to practice compassion and acceptance while remaining open and reflective.

How Does Coaching Help Break Negative Coping Mechanisms Like Perfectionism and Avoidance?

Many of us develop maladaptive coping strategies to avoid discomfort, including shame. These strategies might include perfectionism, avoidance, addiction, or self-sabotage. Coaching provides a space where we explore these coping mechanisms, understand why they formed, and develop healthier ways of dealing with life’s challenges.

For example, one of my clients used to be avoidant in expressing themselves to their parents. This avoidance was a shield, protecting them from vulnerability. Once they understood this, they were able to develop new habits, deepen their connection with their parents, and create a sense of compassion for their own needs and emotions.

Why Is Practicing Self-Compassion Essential for Healing Shame?

Self-compassion is the foundation for healing from shame. It’s the practice of treating yourself with the same kindness you would offer to a friend or loved one. This can be difficult, especially if you’ve been your own harshest critic for a long time.

In our coaching sessions, we work to build your “muscles of compassion.” You’ll learn to soften your inner dialogue, forgive yourself for mistakes, and embrace your imperfections. This daily practice will help counteract the harsh inner critic that often fuels shame.

We’ll also explore the core beliefs and perceptions that contribute to your inner critique, helping you see the world—and yourself—with more clarity.

How Can Coaching Help You Embrace Your Authentic Self and Heal Emotionally?

Coaching is an adventure of self-discovery, not just a way to fix what’s wrong. It’s about finding healthier ways to be fully present and take up your rightful space in the world. It’s about discovering the hidden parts of yourself that shame has buried.

I often see a pattern where people feel they must hide parts of themselves because they don’t feel “good enough.” The truth is, when we fully embrace our shadow sides, they dissolve, leaving behind gems we can use to help ourselves and others.

How Does Holistic Coaching Differ from Traditional Therapy in Overcoming Shame?

Traditional therapy often focuses on talking through problems to understand the whys. Holistic coaching integrates mind, body, and spirit to help discover the what’s, that can bring about meaningful change.

In our sessions, we won’t just talk about shame. We’ll explore how it impacts your body, energy, and daily life. Practices like meditation, movement, reflective writing, and energy work will support your healing journey in a practical and empowering way.

How Can You Start Your Journey to Overcome Shame and Find Emotional Freedom?

Letting go of shame is a journey, but you don’t have to take it alone. In our holistic coaching sessions, we’ll co-create a space where you can feel safe to explore your emotions, release what no longer serves you (overcoming shame), and step into a more empowered version of yourself.

When I first began my healing journey, I didn’t realize how much support I needed. Today, as I continue working through the remnants of my shame with the help of others, I’m finding freedom in ways I never thought possible.

Ready to start Overcoming Shame and Step Into Freedom with Holistic Coaching?

If you’re ready to release shame and embrace a life of compassion, joy, and freedom, I invite you to explore coaching with me. Together, we’ll work to create a life where you feel empowered, whole, and inspired for the future.

Do you have any questions or feel ready to rumble? [Click here to contact me for more information about coaching sessions.]

We are lucky at WNT to have 3 fantastic massage therapists, each with a different approach. You can see Erika for relaxing, therapeutic deep tissue massage and pregnancy massage, Miha for tuina massage and Tessa for sports and remedial massage. Read on to find about more about how and why they do what they do and the love and compassion that goes into their work.

Still running
 
In my previous blog I had just taken up running regularly as a vehicle for keeping mind and mental state in good health. So here is a little update a few months along deep into mid-winter.
 
I am still running - three times most weeks, for about 40 minutes and really enjoying it. The after-effect of brightness and energy in mind and body, even if the actual run sometimes felt like hard work, is really very nice.
 
It definitely has been harder to get up when it’s dark and out of the door in the mornings during the winter. North is in my blood so temperature is not a deterrent and frosty ground a more pleasant experience than the mudslides our parks often turned into this time of the year and I also quite enjoy getting out in bad weather, better running than walking in the rain. Then afterwards it’s so nice to get back in and indoors feels lovely dry and warm. It’s more the general tiredness of January and winter with its short days, a time when, if possible, it’s okay to linger a little longer in bed and take it a bit slower.
 
This coming week, February 1st, marks the halfway point between winter solstice and spring equinox. This day is also called Imbolc or st Bridgids day.  From now on the acceleration in daylight per day is becoming more noticeable week by week. Amusingly, this day has lately gain notoriety due to an increased interest in old Irish and Gaelic traditions, a side effect from the many Brits looking into Irish roots in pursuit of a passport in the wake of Brexit and is now celebrated in several places in London.
 
When it comes to avoiding slipping into depression, one of the purposes of the running regime, it is obviously impossible to know and compare how I would have felt if had not been running regularly. The dread and despair that I often experience around this time of the year, so familiar and recognisable I know it will pass, like a winter season of mind, but sometimes it sticks and turns into depression. This year it feels okay.
 
The structure of running is helpful and having regular dose of joy and satisfaction from keeping up with the commitment is good mood boost but the sense of strength and vitality is the biggest benefit I experienced so far.

My husband and I play a game in our house: I come into a room and turn the lights on, he comes in and turns them off. He is driven by environmental concerns, an aversion to waste and the cost of electricity. My drive is simpler and more visceral: happiness. 
 
Light makes me happy. Different lights make me feel different types of happiness - a misty morning with the sun breaking through fills me with optimism and ideas for the day or an urge to take photographs of the beauty it shows up. Late afternoon light is more peaceful than the morning and speaks of socialising more than doing - beer gardens, barbeques or tea and cake depending on my age and stage. Soft lighting makes me feels safe, cosy, reflective, nourished. A bright kitchen light makes me want to put music on and engage with my family, while a darker room makes me feel like retreating and dampens my energy. 
 
I love the role that lighting plays in a therapeutic setting. My friend used to talk of 'entering the womb' when she came for a massage and I believe that plays no small part in the nourishing effect of a session at WNT or another thoughtfully lit treatment space. You are invited to slow down, to stop and retreat for a while.
 
This entering into such a space reminds me of Autumn, a time of transition from long, bright, energetic days to short, dimmer, more slothful days – getting ready to enter the womblike winter where so much of the world around us is curling up to sleep.
 
How does this transition sit with you? Are you like me and derive some of your inner spark from the light around you? Or are you more ambivalent about the role light has on your inner world? How do you adapt around this time of year?
 
For me this time of year needs a conscious shift, a letting go and starting to prepare for hunkering down. In our home it means adjusting the lights we use in each room to make it cosy rather than bright, getting some candles out and replacing the bulbs in my salt lamps. We will also start to light the fire soon, which in our house is our primary heating source, and that brings with it extra cosiness and a particular type of restorative, wholesome, vital light and warmth.
 
And pretty soon my husband and I will start a new game with the boost button on the central heating…
 

I have taken up running again, this time conducted as a little experiment to see how - or if - it affects my state of mind. Bluntly put, I’d like to see if it works to combat depression.
 
My state of mind has been a bit low and dull, feeling uninspired and finding it hard to make decisions as well as difficulty concentrating. Perhaps that’s normal sign of ageing or symptomatic of my lifestyle with increased screen time and social media indulgence.
 
According to psychiatrist Anders Hanson, running 30-45 minutes 3 times a week at 70% effort for at least 6 weeks would create changes in the brain that help with depression. My understanding is that there is a substance produced in the hippocampus and cerebral cortex in the brain called BDNF (Brain Derived Neurotrophic Factor) that protects, repairs and stimulates new brain cells. Having low levels of this substance is associated with depression. Medication increases these levels as does exercise.
 
I have taken antidepressants in the past and found them helpful to some extent but not really making much difference long term and at this point it doesn’t feel necessary to seek them out.
So, after finding a book on my bookshelf in the great unread section by Dr Anders Hansen writing about the benefits exercise in general, and running in particular, has on the brain as well as hearing him speak on Rangan Chatterjee’s podcast, Feel Better Live More, episode 38, I decided to give it a go. A simple explanation for these  benefits is that our biology is still more in line with being a hunter gatherer and not suited for the abundant, convenient world we now live in. Shorter sessions of 20-30 minutes would also make improvements in the functions of the brain such as memory and creativity.
 
The plan is to work up to the 45min sessions and keep it up for 6 weeks and see how I feel and then keep going with three times a week 30-45min sessions. It sounds a realistic and doable plan to have and curious to see how this will take me through the winter. No doubt shorter days and harsher weather will be a bit of challenge.
 
Luckily, I have always liked running when I’m fit enough and I enjoy the striding movement. It’s a nice way to explore an area be it park, wood or neighbourhood. It is also a very accessible and simple way to exercise. No need for fancy memberships, class schedules or expensive equipment. Just put shoes on and go. I like the freedom of that.
 
I am now 4 weeks in and it is a joy. Perhaps it’s the lovely, mild autumnal weather that brings a pep to my step. Starting out being in general good health and having a comfortable walking gait has been helpful (don’t run before you can walk as the saying goes) in having making it very pain free so far. Not focusing on speed or distance makes it very carefree.
 
The first two weeks I went for 20-30 min sessions and this last week increased it to 45 min a couple of times.

As to how my mind is: Feeling a lot more inspired than I did a couple of weeks ago, but if that is down to the actual running or to setting and following a plan it’s hard to say. Having an intention with what you do, whatever it is, is also one of these things in life that can shift the mood.

I live in Scotland right by the river. It has always been a fantasy of mine to live right by a river – a swimmable river – and sometimes I have to pinch myself to know that this is in fact my life.

Normally I am itching to get in for my first swim of the year and this has been as early as April in our 5 years here. I have fantasies of going for a dip every day of the year at some point, but with young children and various life demands I am not aiming to achieve this anytime soon. But over the summer months I love to go in for mini-dips, mega-dips, paddles and full submersive swims.

But this year I haven’t wanted to! With this theme of swimming for our summer news I volunteered to write about my first swim of the year and promptly regretted it when I realised that it would involve, well, going for a swim.

I have a 9-month-old baby now as well as a 7yr old home-educated child and time has become so hazy and precisely precious all at once. We still live like in lockdown, we are both self-employed working from home and being alone is a hard thing to find at present. Having a shower now constitutes self-care time and I find myself having to choose between things that I used to value as daily activities. I can do some yoga OR tend to my veg patch. I can wash my hair OR go for a run. Swimming in the river involves a change of clothes, a short walk and a shower – that’s like 4 days personal activities all in one.. 😉

I kept thinking of the benefits I get from swimming outdoors – the freshness, the absolute presence in nature, the warm glow afterwards, the sense of achievement – and wondering when I would find these more urgent than a bit of time on my yoga mat or rescuing the beetroot from the weeds.

It didn’t come – but my family did! I come from a family who grew up swimming in rivers and the sea. My mum used to say, “I’m always happy by water” and perhaps as a family of Ducks it is no surprise that we are all energised and nourished by water and being in it.

This was a different experience than the solo experience which boosts my emotional, mental and physical health by the combination of headspace, nature, exercise and freedom. This was fun, community, connection, joy, sharing AND nature, exercise and freedom!

As I read the interviews Tessa has done with her swimming clients and Philippa’s input on swimming around perimenopause, I can see the place for doing these things in community, for the joy that can only come from sharing and doing things together. The poet Ross Gay writes about his experience focusing on delight and joy “Which is to say, I felt my life to be more full of delight. Not without sorrow or fear or pain or loss. But more full of delight. I also learned this year that my delight grows—much like love and joy—when I share it.”

Then I read Erika’s words on our senses and understand that I still want to go for my solo swims, to nurture my interior landscape as well. Maybe the weeds can defeat the beetroot this year and I can get in an extra few dips…