In the previous 2 articles we have explored how our Mind shapes our reality. We also looked at how our actions (training) can shape our mind and body.

Going a bit deeper into the psyche, I wanted to talk about the nature of Responsibility and how the patterns of our mind lead to goodwill (grace) or ill-will (shame).

Feeling overwhelmed?

I came from struggle. Not that I had any physical needs unmet. I definitely did not come from wealth, however I always head shelter and plenty of food. (At least until my uni days. :D )

However, mental struggle was my normality.

I felt overwhelmed on a daily basis. Life, or rather the people around me were too much to handle.

So I developed an avoidant relationship with responsibility.

Not to say that I was not a caring and kind child. I think those qualities have been with me and strengthened by my family and teachers over the years.

Yet, due to the overwhelm, I tried to avoid taking any additional responsibility. To the extent of having difficulty with making decisions even about what I want to eat. Indecision.

Now everyone's story is slightly different, however I see a lot of overwhelm and avoidance in my clinical practice.
We will come back to this shortly..

On Shame..

When someone feels overwhelmed, their reality becomes an unsafe environment for them. 
In such situations the brain is forced to 'think their way out' of this non-safety. It is looking for an escape route.

This seeking, or rather avoiding usually leads us down the path of shame and guilt. Being brought up in a very critical and unkind environment, naturally enhances our mental story of not being enough.

Those shameful internalised voices are further strengthened by the constant overwhelm, where we rationalize our inability of handling our 'unsafe' environment as shameful.

Often we also develop a deep desire to help those suffering around us. However as someone incapable of fulfilling their own needs, we often feel guilty for not being able to help others.

Thus we naturally start to associate our self-worth with how we feel in relation to other people.

This is crucial to understand. Our feelings have an effect on our worldview. Our nervous system is wired in a way to protect us, even if that results in us feeling shameful on a daily basis.

Children are very sensitive to suffering. And they do not have the logical understanding that it is not their responsibility to help adult figures. So the guilt deepens.

Naturally a child cannot control their environment. However as an adult, we definitely have the power to make (even if the tiniest) changes in our life.
Please keep reading on...

So how does shame and guilt affect us?

Think of yourself like your phone battery. When you go on about your day, feeling okay, your battery will slowly drain but it probably still be around a comfortable 30% when you retire to bed.

Now think of running apps on your phone. Editing videos, playing games, running an antivirus program whilst also watching a movie.

The more app you run on your phone concurrently, the quicker it will drain the battery.

Emotions and mental rumination do the same to us humans.

When we feel unsafe in our environment, the mind automatically keeps running an (antivirus) app to scan for danger around us.

Whenever a threat is found, our mind will start (Google) searching for all the possible reasons of how it might hurt us.

Then our brain has to come up with a copying mechanism. 
So the brain runs another app for distractions (Netflix or social media) or even a special app for dissociation (avoidance of sensations and emotions). 

All of these further and further drain our energy, and feed into our mental story of 'I cannot do anything about it'. A.k.a, Mental despair.

Naturally when one is overwhelmed and also exhausted, they will find ways to avoid further responsibility. Including looking after themselves.

Goodwill or ill-will?

I had a mini-breakthrough after listening to one of Ajahn Brahm's (Buddhist monk) talk on ill-will and compassion.

It is so obvious, yet easy to miss:
Entertaining shameful thoughts is an act of ill-will.

It is literally an activity which results in our own direct suffering, or the indirect hurt we cause to other people around us.

It is as simple as that. We must find omni-directional kindness within ourselves, in order to reduce the suffering (us and them).

Grace is defined as courteous good will.

Some Christian traditions define it as unmerited favour, kindness, and mercy. 

In Buddhism, a close equivalent may be compassion. The resolve to connect and accept one that may or may not be favourable to us.

In my opinion, regardless if you are a person of faith or not, Grace or compassion is the way for us to resolve those deeply engrained patterns of ill-will.

Thus, it is our primary responsibility to look after ourselves. As that is the only way we can truly care for others.

How can we get there?

Faith has been an options for thousands of years.
Today you also have a choice to seek helps from others to strengthen your muscles of compassion.
Looking to feel better in your body?

Please reach out by email to enquire about your first Holistic Coaching session!

Available both in person and online.

I love having a variety of different tools in my 'life toolkit' and these are my favourite go to tools!  As I was writing them down it made me realise who the vast majority of them are for down-regulating my nervous system.  Sometimes my practices as higher energy, activating and releasing but more often than not they help me to balance the fast pace of juggling a busy London life 😆

Movement & Music - both of these, without fail, help me come back into my body and ground me.  Whether it's soothing music and yin yoga, something more uptempo and Vinyasa yoga or resistance training or an all out disco for one and shaking my tail feathers, EVERYTHING feels better afterwards!

Nature - plugging into Mother Earth always soothes my soul and settles my mind and nervous system 💚 I feel really grateful I live near a beautiful forest.   I love seeing the seasonal changes and how the little buds are starting to peek through now!  My go to 'happy place' is always the sea 💙. I can happily while away hours watching and listening to the sound of waves and contemplating the vastness of the oceans.
 
Pranayama & Breathwork - a topic I could talk about for days!  It's our most accessible 'tool' that has the quickest impact on our nervous system and it's totally free!!!  I regularly check in with how I'm breathing and where I'm breathing into.  I often catch myself when I'm in a stressful moment and take a moment to reset my breathing and take a long slow breath.   Here is a breathing meditation I shared a few years ago that always helps me.
https://youtu.be/Z00E7bFmua0?si=44XQPprHUwPUHJfm
 
Meditation - my main practice is Vipasanna but I also love Yoga Nidra and listen to a variety of wonderful teachers.  This particular Yoga Nidra is one I am currently recommending to my clients and friends as I find I always feel so present and calm afterwards. 
https://insig.ht/iyHo2EndERb
 
Journaling - The Morning Pages is a practice I come back to time and time again.  I was introduced  to this journaling practice via a yoga teacher mentoring program many years ago and found it to be a real game changer.   It helps clear the mental chatter and clutter and I notice improved mental clarity and feel much more spacious and clear.
 

How can Tai chi help to build resilience and confidence?
 
As a therapist of  the Eastern arts, I have come across many modalities that help people grow, become more confident, resilient and overall content with their life.
I am generally fascinated by both psychology, medicine and eastern philosophy. Yet, what I would call the most powerful tool in my toolbox would -hands down- be Tai chi.
 
It is a martial art that goes way beyond the martial and directly creates a reflective experience where healthy resilience naturally grows.
 
Resilience is the fruit of effort. The work resulting in mental, physical and emotional strength and pliability, leading to self-confidence.
 
One of the fundamental aspects of Tai chi is the engagement of the mind within the body.
 
So how does it help us build resilience?
 
When you practice the art, you are asked to leave all other thoughts and feelings behind. Instead, allow the mind to saturate into the flesh. This develops mindfulness of the body.
 
When you go through the practice of body opening/loosening, it requires sustained mental effort to meet your discomfort. To look compassionately and intimately towards your own limits. Maintaining awareness and acceptance. This develops mental fortitude.
 
During the standing meditations, you first of all create a structure which you must hold for a period of time. Within this structure you relax and release the muscles, thus your habitual tensions. You experience sensations and connections that you have never felt before. This creates a change in your perception and gently pulls you out of your general one-sided thinking. Opening the mind and body.
 
In both seated and standing meditation, you work on maintaining your focus in one physical/energetic location. This develops attention and one pointed focus.
 
Whilst practicing the form/moves, your brain will keep shouting and shaming you for not doing it correctly. You are forced to face your critical self and develop a new, compassionate relation with it. This develops your character, balance and coordination.
 
The constant effort to maintain awareness in the body, whilst experiencing a multitude of sensations, both pleasant and unpleasant, builds a doorway to your nervous system, which you have control over once you have developed enough awareness
 
You can choose to fight it, flee from it or simply accept it for what it is. This builds direct resilience in the nervous system.
 
You see, it is very difficult to get through life without resilience.
 
But we are so lucky to have a tool (and I am sure there are others out there as well) which builds:
 
- the strength and resilience of mind,
- the fortitude and flexibility of the body,
- the stillness and openness of the heart
 
Whilst also balancing our energetic body and the nervous system.
 
Furthermore, throughout the partner drills we also have the opportunity to work on how we relate to one another. How we respond to the touch, emotions and thoughts of others. This is a big part of developing resilience.
 
Thus, we become strong and kind towards our internal and external environments. This is true resilience.
 
Maybe now you can understand why my passion lies so deep in this art.. :)
 
Looking to build resilience into your life?
I am currently running 2 beginner friendly courses in Crystal Palace:
 
Mondays: 18:30 – 19:30
Tuesdays 18:00-19:00
 
- Small groups of around 8-10 people
- Hands on corrections
- Always welcome to ask questions
 
Investment: £12.50 per class
Location: Kin Wellbeing studio and Crystal Palace Osteopaths

Excited to try something new to change and/or grow resilience in your life?
 
Please email me at
[email protected]
Or WhatsApp me on:
07308889603
 
Looking forward to meeting many of you at class,
Miha

Coaching: From Shame to Freedom – A Holistic Journey to Healing

Shame and guilt are emotions that can quietly run our lives, but there is a way to move from shame to freedom. As a holistic therapist (Acupuncture, Massage, Tai Chi, Qigong, Coaching), I integrate ancient healing techniques with modern coaching to help you release those heavy burdens. This article will explore how holistic coaching can assist you in overcoming shame, so the pain can transform into empowerment, offering you a gentle, compassionate path to emotional freedom.

How Does Shame Affect Your Life and Well-Being?

Shame is a deeply ingrained emotion, often showing up as feelings of unworthiness or inadequacy. Whether triggered by past mistakes, societal pressures, or internalized judgment, shame can weigh us down, keeping us trapped in harmful patterns of thought and behavior.

When I began my own journey of self-compassion, I realized how much shame had been quietly shaping my life. I thought I had cleared most of the debris, but during the past year, I had to acknowledge that some of my core beliefs still carried the heavy burden of shame. Once I started addressing how I related to myself and my environment, I began to experience lightness and freedom in my own life.

How Can Online Coaching Help You Overcome and Release Shame?

One of the most effective ways to work through shame is by acknowledging and accepting it for what it is. This may sound counterintuitive, but getting closer to the discomfort is key. In coaching, we create a safe and accepting environment. Gently embracing our vulnerabilities helps us to let those shameful parts come to light. You don’t have to carry that weight forever.

Just as in Tai Chi or Qigong, where you embrace discomfort to release it, coaching helps you engage with these emotions in a safe way. Together, we identify where the stuck energy lies—those “anchors” that have held you down for years.

What Is Radical Self-Compassion, and How Can It Help Overcome Shame?

Radical compassion is an essential tool in the healing process. It involves offering complete self-acceptance (Maitri, in the Buddhist traditions) and kindness to yourself, especially to the parts of you that you may not like or feel most vulnerable. It’s about meeting your shame with curiosity, not judgment.
I used to struggle with perfectionism, which was deeply rooted in shame. I thought that if I didn’t perform perfectly, I wasn’t worthy. Through practising radical self-compassion, I began to accept those parts of me that felt ashamed. I even gave my inner critical judge a name—the ‘shamer’—to soften the relationship with it. Think of the “Shame Bell” scene from Game of Thrones. By embracing my imperfections, I was able to release unrealistic expectations and feel a deeper sense of freedom.

How Can Chinese Medicine Support Emotional Healing and Release Shame?

Chinese Medicine, with its ancient wisdom, offers an almost magical (yet widely researched) approach to addressing emotions like shame and guilt. In Chinese philosophy, emotions are connected to different organs in the body. For example, shame is often linked to an imbalance in the Liver, Heart, and Kidney energy.

By addressing specific organs and meridians, Chinese Medicine works to restore balance in the whole person—body, mind, and spirit—releasing stuck emotions that may have shaped your personality over time.

Would you like to read more about how Acupuncture and Acupressure can help with shame? [Click here to learn more about emotional healing through Chinese Medicine.]

How Can Qigong and Tai Chi Help Build Self-Confidence and Heal Shame?

Both Qigong and Tai Chi are gentle, yet appropriately challenging, forms of movement that focus on unity. These practices integrate the body and mind, leading to an increasing quality of stillness and harmony. Over time, this helps form a deeper sense of self-confidence and creates a more compassionate relationship with oneself.

Certain Qigong exercises are also immensely helpful in balancing internal organs, directly addressing emotional imbalances. I often suggest these practices in my coaching sessions to enhance the release of shame by engaging the body and breath. It’s not about becoming an expert—it’s about creating a safe space to practice compassion and acceptance while remaining open and reflective.

How Does Coaching Help Break Negative Coping Mechanisms Like Perfectionism and Avoidance?

Many of us develop maladaptive coping strategies to avoid discomfort, including shame. These strategies might include perfectionism, avoidance, addiction, or self-sabotage. Coaching provides a space where we explore these coping mechanisms, understand why they formed, and develop healthier ways of dealing with life’s challenges.

For example, one of my clients used to be avoidant in expressing themselves to their parents. This avoidance was a shield, protecting them from vulnerability. Once they understood this, they were able to develop new habits, deepen their connection with their parents, and create a sense of compassion for their own needs and emotions.

Why Is Practicing Self-Compassion Essential for Healing Shame?

Self-compassion is the foundation for healing from shame. It’s the practice of treating yourself with the same kindness you would offer to a friend or loved one. This can be difficult, especially if you’ve been your own harshest critic for a long time.

In our coaching sessions, we work to build your “muscles of compassion.” You’ll learn to soften your inner dialogue, forgive yourself for mistakes, and embrace your imperfections. This daily practice will help counteract the harsh inner critic that often fuels shame.

We’ll also explore the core beliefs and perceptions that contribute to your inner critique, helping you see the world—and yourself—with more clarity.

How Can Coaching Help You Embrace Your Authentic Self and Heal Emotionally?

Coaching is an adventure of self-discovery, not just a way to fix what’s wrong. It’s about finding healthier ways to be fully present and take up your rightful space in the world. It’s about discovering the hidden parts of yourself that shame has buried.

I often see a pattern where people feel they must hide parts of themselves because they don’t feel “good enough.” The truth is, when we fully embrace our shadow sides, they dissolve, leaving behind gems we can use to help ourselves and others.

How Does Holistic Coaching Differ from Traditional Therapy in Overcoming Shame?

Traditional therapy often focuses on talking through problems to understand the whys. Holistic coaching integrates mind, body, and spirit to help discover the what’s, that can bring about meaningful change.

In our sessions, we won’t just talk about shame. We’ll explore how it impacts your body, energy, and daily life. Practices like meditation, movement, reflective writing, and energy work will support your healing journey in a practical and empowering way.

How Can You Start Your Journey to Overcome Shame and Find Emotional Freedom?

Letting go of shame is a journey, but you don’t have to take it alone. In our holistic coaching sessions, we’ll co-create a space where you can feel safe to explore your emotions, release what no longer serves you (overcoming shame), and step into a more empowered version of yourself.

When I first began my healing journey, I didn’t realize how much support I needed. Today, as I continue working through the remnants of my shame with the help of others, I’m finding freedom in ways I never thought possible.

Ready to start Overcoming Shame and Step Into Freedom with Holistic Coaching?

If you’re ready to release shame and embrace a life of compassion, joy, and freedom, I invite you to explore coaching with me. Together, we’ll work to create a life where you feel empowered, whole, and inspired for the future.

Do you have any questions or feel ready to rumble? [Click here to contact me for more information about coaching sessions.]

With AI swooping in to take over many jobs and roles I feel lucky to be confident that there is nothing that compares – or could compare – to the interpersonal connection and physical contact of a massage. The relationship with your therapist is part of this, a person you share with and ask for help – this can be a vulnerable and fairly intimate action, especially when it is followed by undressing! You place your trust in the therapist and the therapist – good ones anyway – will respond by basing their massage on the information you gave them and the feedback you give them through the treatment, from direct questions about the pressure to intuitive sensing of where you are holding tension that you are not even aware of.

This relationship may be a one off or it may be one that lasts over many weeks, months and years. I have left massage sessions feeling enlivened, enthused, exhausted, delighted, excited, understood, supported, connected, soothed and sometimes pummelled 😊 Sometimes I am sore, sometimes I feel like I’m hungover the next day or two, sometimes I feel like I could run like a gazelle and sometimes like I could sleep for a week. I always get something from the session, often disproportionate to the hour that I spent having it. I learn about my body, I enjoy some rapport with some therapists and rare silence with others.
I will never stop getting massages from a good therapist and I am looking forward to getting back to the privileged position of giving them next year after a long hiatus having children and relocating.

In between massages I crave more and I also sometimes have to go longer periods between them when funds and/or time are tight so I have built up an array of things to see me through. I can do some self massage of course and often do on my forearms especially, but I often just wish it was someone else's hands and prefer to use tools, especially for getting into trickier to reach spots. These are my favourites (and links are just to show where I bought them, no affiliations!):

And now in getting the links from this blog I've spotted a foot massager so my birthday money might have a new purpose...that's one for next time!
Happy massaging!

I thought to share a few stories from my clinic so you can have a better understanding of what Acupuncture can help with. As well as to provide a gentle introduction to how it works.
Relief for constipation and other bowel issues is a remarkable and frequent outcome of such treatments.

Over the years I am starting to figure out that the body is truly amazing. It really is a wonderful ‘machinery’ that often needs only a little nudge in order to recover. As long as one has sufficient vital substances – Blood, Qi and Essence (talk about those in a later post) – it will recover rather quickly.

When it comes to treating bowel issues such as constipation, diarrhoea, inflammation and such Acupuncture can have a quick reliving effect – whilst it may take longer to re-establish proper internal harmony in case of chronic conditions.
One of my clients came to me recently complaining about the inability to empty their bowels properly for almost a week. Although their main complaint was different, something like this can often be incorporated into the treatment.
I used a combination of 2 points located on the Stomach channel, whilst other points were used to support the underlying conditions.

The acu-point, Stomach 37 was needled and gently stimulated. This is a point which has a strong effect on the bowels through the connection of the digestive organs of the Stomach and the Large Intestine, which is mainly responsible for the appropriate elimination and further absorption of nutrients.
As you can read in the other article -click on the link above-, it is also a majorly useful point to generally assist IBS and it’s related symptoms.

I also used acupressure on Stomach 25 which has been observed to have a very strong effect on the Intestines. Via the aforementioned connection, this point is able to strengthen and enhance the natural function of the Stomach and Spleen, which is responsible for the transportaion and transformation of nutrients.

Although I worked fairly gently on these points, the client reported having a ‘big clear-out’ the same day.
Of course, no 2 people have the exact same needs. The beauty of Chinese Medicine lies in its ability to show what needs to be done for the person in front of us in that given moment.
Sometimes the body only needs a few gentle yet precise inputs in order to start making steps towards equilibrium.

Still running
 
In my previous blog I had just taken up running regularly as a vehicle for keeping mind and mental state in good health. So here is a little update a few months along deep into mid-winter.
 
I am still running - three times most weeks, for about 40 minutes and really enjoying it. The after-effect of brightness and energy in mind and body, even if the actual run sometimes felt like hard work, is really very nice.
 
It definitely has been harder to get up when it’s dark and out of the door in the mornings during the winter. North is in my blood so temperature is not a deterrent and frosty ground a more pleasant experience than the mudslides our parks often turned into this time of the year and I also quite enjoy getting out in bad weather, better running than walking in the rain. Then afterwards it’s so nice to get back in and indoors feels lovely dry and warm. It’s more the general tiredness of January and winter with its short days, a time when, if possible, it’s okay to linger a little longer in bed and take it a bit slower.
 
This coming week, February 1st, marks the halfway point between winter solstice and spring equinox. This day is also called Imbolc or st Bridgids day.  From now on the acceleration in daylight per day is becoming more noticeable week by week. Amusingly, this day has lately gain notoriety due to an increased interest in old Irish and Gaelic traditions, a side effect from the many Brits looking into Irish roots in pursuit of a passport in the wake of Brexit and is now celebrated in several places in London.
 
When it comes to avoiding slipping into depression, one of the purposes of the running regime, it is obviously impossible to know and compare how I would have felt if had not been running regularly. The dread and despair that I often experience around this time of the year, so familiar and recognisable I know it will pass, like a winter season of mind, but sometimes it sticks and turns into depression. This year it feels okay.
 
The structure of running is helpful and having regular dose of joy and satisfaction from keeping up with the commitment is good mood boost but the sense of strength and vitality is the biggest benefit I experienced so far.

My daughter turned one a few weeks ago and I have been reflecting on the moment her joyful little presence wriggled gleefully into our lives. She was born weighing 8lb 10 at 8.10pm on a Saturday night and my overwhelming feeling as I held her in my arms was luckiness. How lucky I was to have a perfect, healthy, alive little baby born just as I hoped - at home with a midwife - and joining her older brother in making their entrances as Ducks with their own minds: both born on the kitchen floor alongside, rather than in, the birthing pool.
 
That feeling of luckiness was largely due to a fear that haunted my pregnancy of losing our baby, a common feeling, I think, for women who’ve experienced miscarriages as I have. With this pregnancy I felt it as such certainty: surely something would go wrong and a stillbirth was the ultimate point at which this fear would be realised. So, a live and utterly healthy baby was nothing short of a miracle to my nervous system. I am still slightly stunned by it. 
 
I had a beautiful (and intense!) birth experience. I was at home in low light and felt safe. I was active throughout, lots of yogic movement and in and out of the birthing pool. I had an experienced and sensitive midwife who struck an ideal balance of letting me get on with it with support on hand when needed. I had my own music playing, my husband around and my son safely upstairs building lego with his uncle. My baby came in a swift 5 hours, contractions were intense from the get go so it was very physical and the second stage of labour was quick, just a few huge pushes (I was ready to rest by that point!). She came out in the bag, it burst as I held her and because we were at home we just transferred to the sofa and set about skin to skin snuggles with no need to go anywhere for the week to come. 
 
It could have been so different - two days before that I had a scan that caused the consultant at the hospital to suggest I had a caesarean section because they thought the baby was so big. At the ‘geriatric’ age of 41 I had agreed to this late 41-week scan to check the placenta was still in good condition. I’d asked not to be notified about the weight as I know my mental preparation would suffer a blow if I were told it was a large baby, but because they were concerned it got flagged up and it did indeed instil fear in me that I was getting ready to birth a whopper.
 
That it should all end so positively is down to a number of things and these things are part of what makes me feel so lucky. I know many women are not so lucky and I hope by sharing some of the things that made my experience so positive someone might find support in these avenues too. The fact that they helped me cope with the turn of events that had me considering an unnecessary caesarean epitomises why these things are so precious to have.
 
Lucky thing number 1:
A wonderful midwife and midwifery team that I got to know and who got to know me.
I live in Scotland so was with the Ayrshire and Arran home birthing team, but my first child was born in West Norwood with an equally excellent homebirth team connected to Kings. This meant I had all my appointments at home and I got to know each of the team over the course of my pregnancy. The team knew my history, my mindset, my physical health, my family and my home environment. My own midwife was so keen to be at my baby’s birth that she said she would come even if she wasn’t working.
 
It was personal and supportive and it meant that when I came out of the scan appointment where the hospital midwife and consultant didn’t  know me, my midwife was able to reassure me that my body was growing a baby appropriately sized to my capacity, that my mental and physical preparation were good and that a home birth could still be my first choice. She was so right (and here’s one for physical touch and palpation over technology): my baby was 8lb 10 rather than the 11lb the scan had suggested. Moreover, I had no painkillers, interventions and no ‘exit wounds’ from the birth, only some muscular soreness from the effort and intensity. 
 
Lucky thing number 2:
The support of a hypnobirthing expert and bodyworkers and the financial capacity to pay for it.
I am sad that these are a privilege to women because they are so powerful and helpful. For hypnobirthing there are free and cheaper resources out there which I encourage you to use – guided meditations, books, relaxation exercises and some of the resources listed below are all really helpful. But the one-to-one support I had was incredibly valuable to me, especially as I began to prepare for the possibility of birthing an 11lb baby! Hypnobirthing works using hypnosis and deep relaxation to help shift limiting beliefs and doubt in the subconscious so it can help you prepare deeply and, for me, helped me trust my body’s implicit wisdom and capabilities.
 
I also had some acupuncture – privately from pre-conception and throughout pregnancy and then, amazingly our local midwifery team were trained in ‘cervical ripening’ at the later stage so I had this and some foot massage from my midwives! Full body massage was also invaluable in helping my body prepare, relax and for the physical strain of late pregnancy.
 
Lucky thing number 3:
My own education and understanding of bodies, birth, mind-body interplay and a decision to tune out what wouldn’t help
Of course, as a bodyworker and the owner of a complementary health business I live in a world where things like ‘mind-body interplay’ are ongoing considerations – so this lucky thing is partly due to my personal interests and life trajectory. It also means I am in an environment where I know people who will suggest things to me like reading Ina May Gaskin who opened the door to homebirth for me and gave me the confidence to start down that road. It also meant that things like peroneal massage were a no-brainer and I prioritised the relaxation side of yoga, using yoga nidra (see below) a lot and ensuring any strength building involved lots of breath work too.
 
I realise many people are not in this world and the jump to homebirth or some of these approaches might be bigger than for me, but the fundamental point is that my interest in what was happening and going to happen in my body and focus on working with that played an ENORMOUS part in my having the positive birth experience that I had. It doesn’t need specialist knowledge or even interest, more an attitude of tuning in and listening to what your body and baby need and then (this is the hard part) acting on that, even if it means (as it did for me) cocooning yourself for several weeks and potentially offending some people. I believe empowering myself with knowledge, techniques and boundaries made all the difference.
 
Lucky thing number 4:
The emphatic support and trust of my partner
This is a big one for home birth because you have to believe that it is the right choice for you and your baby. If your partner would feel safer in a hospital then this can impact your ability to fully relax into being at home, you might absorb their anxiety. My partner read Ina May Gaskin too and learned to trust that I knew my body. It was better with the second – with my first home birth he let his absolute honesty interfere! When I wanted him to tell me it was going to be ok he said “I’m sorry I just don’t know that” so I pushed him away and asked the midwife to tell me instead, which she duly did😊 The second time he knew that I just needed to hear his belief in my capacity and he was more ready for this.
 
And here are my key learnings that helped me have a positive birth:

• That fear is the antithesis of relaxation and must be managed rather than ignored, whatever that looks like for you
• That refusing to listen to negative or intense birth stories during pregnancy is a wonderful thing to do, especially since there is a tendency for people to feel compulsion to share their horror stories as soon as they see a bump. I just shut people down if they tried, my baby was more important than their possible feeling of offence and to manage fear this was paramount for me
• On the contrary, reading Ina May Gaskin and the lovely birth stories in her books is a much more encouraging way to approach the experience. It made me excited more than apprehensive, even with my fears about late miscarriage and still birth
• That breathing is absolute key and it is better preparation to learn how to breathe and relax than to build strength. Pilates is great, yoga and hypnobirthing are better!
• That you can learn more by going inwards than outwards and that if you really listen hard your body will speak to you. It is not in our culture to do this unfortunately; it takes determination and perseverance to be still enough to hear and even more to trust and act on what you hear
• That a good midwife and even better a good midwifery team can make all the difference

 
 Resources:
Ina May Gaskin – any of her books! Birth Matters is a great starter. Guide to Childbirth another helpful one and Spiritual Midwifery if you are already a bit down the road with home birth / open to more esoteric reading
 
Kristin Hayward Hypnobirthing – Kristin is based in Herne Hill and also offers sessions online. She does sessions with couples and individuals and is so lovely, encouraging and an expert in her field
 
Katherine Graves is another big name in hypnobirthing and has a book that might be helpful if you aren’t able to have one to one sessions
 
Yoga Nidra and Uma Dinsmore-Tuli – Uma is the queen of yoga nidra (yogic sleep / deep relaxation) and this wonderful resource features lots of free (or payment by donation) yoga nidra sessions and some good birth preparation exercises (see the shop – yoga for birth or pregnancy)- I used a lot of this during my labour, it was wonderful 😊 https://www.yoganidranetwork.org/

Acupuncture – Philippa is our fertility, pregnancy and birth prep specialist at WNT and if I’d been in London I would have seen her regularly as I did with my first child (also a positive home birth)
Massage – Erika has lovely hands and has worked on a lot of pregnant bodies, she would be able to help with aches and pains and provide a gently nourishing space in late pregnancy and also post-natal recovery period (which in my experience is over a year long…!)
Reflexology – Laura offers this other approach to fertility and pregnancy support which is an equally effective alternative to acupuncture – I recommend choosing based on your preferences and what you are drawn to

I have taken up running again, this time conducted as a little experiment to see how - or if - it affects my state of mind. Bluntly put, I’d like to see if it works to combat depression.
 
My state of mind has been a bit low and dull, feeling uninspired and finding it hard to make decisions as well as difficulty concentrating. Perhaps that’s normal sign of ageing or symptomatic of my lifestyle with increased screen time and social media indulgence.
 
According to psychiatrist Anders Hanson, running 30-45 minutes 3 times a week at 70% effort for at least 6 weeks would create changes in the brain that help with depression. My understanding is that there is a substance produced in the hippocampus and cerebral cortex in the brain called BDNF (Brain Derived Neurotrophic Factor) that protects, repairs and stimulates new brain cells. Having low levels of this substance is associated with depression. Medication increases these levels as does exercise.
 
I have taken antidepressants in the past and found them helpful to some extent but not really making much difference long term and at this point it doesn’t feel necessary to seek them out.
So, after finding a book on my bookshelf in the great unread section by Dr Anders Hansen writing about the benefits exercise in general, and running in particular, has on the brain as well as hearing him speak on Rangan Chatterjee’s podcast, Feel Better Live More, episode 38, I decided to give it a go. A simple explanation for these  benefits is that our biology is still more in line with being a hunter gatherer and not suited for the abundant, convenient world we now live in. Shorter sessions of 20-30 minutes would also make improvements in the functions of the brain such as memory and creativity.
 
The plan is to work up to the 45min sessions and keep it up for 6 weeks and see how I feel and then keep going with three times a week 30-45min sessions. It sounds a realistic and doable plan to have and curious to see how this will take me through the winter. No doubt shorter days and harsher weather will be a bit of challenge.
 
Luckily, I have always liked running when I’m fit enough and I enjoy the striding movement. It’s a nice way to explore an area be it park, wood or neighbourhood. It is also a very accessible and simple way to exercise. No need for fancy memberships, class schedules or expensive equipment. Just put shoes on and go. I like the freedom of that.
 
I am now 4 weeks in and it is a joy. Perhaps it’s the lovely, mild autumnal weather that brings a pep to my step. Starting out being in general good health and having a comfortable walking gait has been helpful (don’t run before you can walk as the saying goes) in having making it very pain free so far. Not focusing on speed or distance makes it very carefree.
 
The first two weeks I went for 20-30 min sessions and this last week increased it to 45 min a couple of times.

As to how my mind is: Feeling a lot more inspired than I did a couple of weeks ago, but if that is down to the actual running or to setting and following a plan it’s hard to say. Having an intention with what you do, whatever it is, is also one of these things in life that can shift the mood.